Hell of a title, right? It’s just as crazy as it sounds. Crazy delicious. Let’s get into it:

[I made fresh pasta for this which is not a necessary step (but if you do make your own pasta, crack a good amount of black pepper into the dough). I’m assuming this is good with any and all seafood, so this is your chance to go wild at the fish counter. Also it easily feeds 10 people. No shame in scaling back.]

The Recipe:

• Olive oil
• Linguine, fettuccini, spaghetti, rice noodles…whatever long, thin noodle floats your boat
• One yellow onion (diced)
• Four cloves garlic
• Small handful cilantro (with stems)
• 1/2 inch knob of ginger (grated)
• 3 stalks lemongrass (just the white and light green parts, boiled 10 minutes, finely chopped)
• 1t fish sauce
• 2 jars World Foods green curry paste (or any brand, I happen to love this one)
• 1 can full fat coconut milk
• 1 can light coconut milk
• 10-12 shrimp (get the fresh ones that you have to peel and devein. It’s gross to clean them, yes, but they taste so much better. Trust me.)
• 8-10 scallops
• 3 pieces of squid (body, cut into 1/2 inch rings) (or tentacles, it’s your dinner)
• 1/2 pound of mussels
• Cilantro leaves, Fresno chili slices (looks like a red jalapeño), sliced green onion, sesame seeds maybe (this is all for garnish, get what you like)

*************************************************************************************

This takes a lot of multitasking! Here’s my recommendation on the timing:

1. Start the sauce first and continue cooking the sauce.
2. Boil water for the pasta once the sauce is started.
3. Cook the shrimp, put them somewhere safe.
4. Get the pasta in the water.
5. Put the mussels in the sauce.
6. Cook the scallops and squid.
7. Plate it all up.

SAUCE:

Toss half of the onion, the garlic, the cilantro leaves and stems, ginger, lemongrass, fish sauce, 1t salt, 2t black pepper, and a dash of olive oil into a food processor until relatively smooth. This can be stored in an airtight container in the fridge for up to a week.

Heat up a large pan or pot–big enough for all the mussels–with olive oil and the rest of the onion. Cook your homemade sauce (great work) for a few minutes until it becomes fragrant. Add the jarred green curry sauce (no shame) and cook for another few minutes until that, too, becomes fragrant. Stir in the coconut milk and add a large crack of black pepper.

It’s now ready for the mussels. Did you boil the water? Cook the shrimp? If not, don’t add the mussels until the pasta is in the water. Timing is key. Boil that water. Cook that shrimp. You’re doing just fine.

SEAFOOD:

Cook the nicely cleaned shrimp in a cast iron skillet with some olive oil, salt, and pepper, until perfectly pink. Remove them and put them in a safe spot for later.

If the pasta is cooking, put the mussels in the sauce. Cover the pot and let steam for 8-10 minutes until the mussels open.

Pat the scallops dry with a paper towel and season heavily with black pepper and a touch of salt. Get your cast iron slightly hotter than before, oil it up, and carefully place the scallops in. Scallops on my stove are best at medium-high heat, but they’re all different.

Do. Not. Touch. The. Scallops. for about two minutes. They need to be nice and caramelized before you flip them. Check the picture for help. They’re brown. Brown is delicious. Brown is flavor.

Flip the scallops and put the squid in the pan as well. Once the scallops are browned on the other side, they’re done, and the squid is done as well. Remove all that delicious seafood and get ready to plate!

PLATING:

Your pasta is drained. Your mussels have opened in that beautiful sauce. Your shrimp, scallops, and squid are sitting somewhere safely waiting for you. Your garnishes are…oh no. Get your garnishes.

If your mussel/sauce pot is large enough for the pasta, the best case scenario is to toss the pasta in the sauce. If you’re like me, you made way too much pasta and there’s not a chance it fits in the pot. That’s okay. Plop the noodles in a bowl, pour the sauce and mussels over the top, place the rest of the seafood on top, and garnish.

 

Enjoy this dish with wine. Just a bunch of wine. You seriously deserve it.